Why every playoff team can win, Predictions

Since everyone else is making their NBA playoff predictions I might as well make mine. First I'll tell you why each team can win it all.
Detroit-Because they have Chris Webber and if the game is on the line and you have no timeouts left, he can make things happen.
Cleveland-Lebron can hit 15 foot game winning jump shots when no one is guarding him.
Toronto-Chris Bosh isn't graduating so the ceremony shouldn't conflict with game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals.
Miami-D-Wade is back. We all in.
Chicago-Ben Wallace gives them the much needed inside scoring presence they lacked last year.
New Jersey-Vince Carter isn't graduating so the ceremony shouldn't conflict with game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals.
Washington-They have Wizards with Bullets.
Orlando-They have a guy in Darko Milicic that was picked ahead of Carmelo, Bosh and D Wade. He's obviously a game changer.
Dallas- According to Dirk they gave away the title last year. Surely they won't make that mistake twice.
Phoenix- They have a 2 time MVP who has never been to the Finals. Come on, that's unheard of, they have to win it.
San Antonio-Joey Crawford has been suspended for the post season now Timmy can go back to being the fun loving, jovial guy he was before.
Utah-They're the only team that travels with an AK47.
Houston-This time when T-Mac makes it out of the first round of the playoffs, his team will join him.
Denver- A I and Melo will commit to one hairstyle for the duration of the playoffs leaving them more time to practice.
Lakers-Phil is a master motivator so in the interest of getting Kwame to dunk the ball instead of attempt an errant layup, he'll keep birthday cakes on the sideline for Kwame to throw at Andrew Bynum every time he makes a field goal.
Golden State- Don Nelson promises Stephen Jackson if they win it all, he can transfer his probation over to Mike Dunleavy Jr.

First Round winners:
Detroit
Chicago
Toronto
Cleveland
San Antonio
Golden State
Los Angeles
Houston